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  For once, she surprised me. She’d seen through some of my bullshit before, but I never thought she would realize this was a sham engagement. A sigh of relief came over me, followed closely by a twinge of anger that I couldn’t throw this in her face anymore, if only to annoy the shit out of her.

  “What?” My mother scoffed in my direction as she tapped her Pianki against the paper. “Did you really expect me to fall for this? As soon as you told me that she wasn’t pregnant, I knew this was a sham. Please, Nolan. Give your mother some credit.”

  The waiter brought over our dishes, but I wasn’t hungry. The thought of red meat swirling in my rancid belly made me nauseous. I pushed the plate away from my place setting, causing another glare of censure from my mother.

  She turned her icy stare to Charlie. “Just because you are better suited to a marriage with someone who belongs in a mechanic’s jumpsuit back in Georgia–”

  “Mother!” I warned. “That’s enough. Charlie went to Harvard. She’s a lawyer.”

  My mother pursed her lips. “That may be so, Nolan. But I know she went on a poor girl’s scholarship. What of her father? Who are his people and where are they from?”

  The waiter hastily left as I banged my fist on the table and welcomed the rattle of the silver. “Where are you from? You will not talk that way to Charlie.” I hissed out the words with enough venom to be worthy of a diamondback with fangs bared.

  My mother recovered quickly with a dismissive shrug of her elegant shoulders. “If you would let me finish without all the dramatics, Nolan. Now, if you want your business deal to fall through, by all means, forgo the engagement party and get a quickie marriage in Vegas. But if you want everyone to actually believe in this sham of an engagement, you need the party. You need me. Or else, this will all crumble at your inappropriately clad feet. I will not sit by and let the Banks name get strewn through the mud over this…” She gestured at Charlie, then took a long drink of her champagne before setting the glass down and wiping a linen napkin over her blood red lips. “Now, let’s eat like civilized people.”

  I could tell by the look on Charlie’s face that she wanted to slap my mother. Right across her smug face. Maybe even throw the glass of champagne at her designer outfit and storm out of the restaurant. Leave my mother behind. Leave me behind.

  But she didn’t.

  I knew that Charlie had pride and she wouldn’t do a single one of those things. And I was beginning to love her all the more for it. Her best qualities weren’t superficial like my mother’s. What was great about Charlie ran deep. Bone deep. Soul deep.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Banks,” Charlie conceded. She took a tentative bite of her French toast. “I appreciate everything you’re doing for us.”

  I wanted to kiss my fiancée right then and there. Then, take her to my house and fuck her senseless.

  Chapter Four

  Central Park in fall. The scenery had never looked more beautiful. No matter how long I lived in the city, I still found the park a strange but serene place to get away from the hustle and bustle of Manhattan. I always found myself at peace when I went to the park, no matter the crazy emotions roiling through my body. That was a big reason why I brought Charlie here after our brunch with my mother. Her shoulders were clenched and her lips pursed as she quietly seethed.

  “Nolan, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.” She stopped after we’d walked a short distance. I could barely hear her words. I didn’t blame her.

  Walk away from me now, Charlie. Walk away if you know what’s good for you. I destroy everything in my wake. Most of all, I destroy myself.

  She wrung her hands and visibly shivered. I wrapped my arms around her even though it really wasn’t that cold outside. “I really don’t know what the hell I was thinking. No one in their right mind could do this. When you first proposed, I thought I could do it. But after meeting with your mother – this – I can’t, Nolan.”

  “Stop,” I instructed her. “You’re getting yourself too worked up, Charlie. I’m worried about you.” I took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Look at me.”

  I stroked the side of her refined jaw and tipped her chin until she turned her big blue eyes on mine. The gorgeous eyes that now glistened with tears. I knew what that moisture cost a proud woman like Charlie. But I’d gone and done it anyway. I’d hurt her for my own selfish gain.

  “Take a deep breath,” I told her. Watching her gulp down some cleansing air, I started to worry. Maybe she couldn’t handle this. My mom was known to bring grown men to their knees with her icy cold stares and vicious actions. Myself included. It was a lot to deal with even for a woman as intelligent and strong as Charlie.

  “How?” she asked, batting those long eyelashes at me, blinking the wetness away. Or trying to. Her open heart and raw emotions might be my undoing.

  I snaked both arms around her to caress her back. “Woman, you are strong. I’ve seen you at work with that barracuda, Jasmine. You’ve tackled every task given to you like some legal Hercules. If I didn’t think you could do this, I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me.” I pressed the words as a whisper in her ear.

  Her soft breasts crushed my chest, raising my heart rate all over the place. The smell of her hair drove me crazy. I could hold her like this forever.

  Forever.

  “Wow, you’re comparing me and your mother to superheroes?”

  I pulled away slightly. “Charlie, let’s just get through the next few weeks. You’ll be paid handsomely for your time and expertise.”

  She stiffened and at that moment, I knew she’d misunderstood. I’d offended her. It seemed I couldn’t do anything right where Charlie was concerned. Was this what it was like to care more about someone else than you cared about yourself? To love someone? If it was, I didn’t know if I could make it through to the other side unscathed. Whole.

  “You think that’s why I’m doing this?” Charlie snapped defensively, pushing me away. “You think I can be bought? Money means nothing to me, Nolan. I’m not one of your little minions you can order around just because your dad owns half this city.” She crossed her arms over her chest, effectively closing herself off from me. Shutting down her heart. I might need a chisel to break through after my careless words. “I can’t believe I let myself get sucked into this sham with you. I should know better. My dad raised me better.”

  I lowered my voice. Tried to soothe her. Draw her in closer to me. “I’m sorry if you think I’m mistreating you. I just want you to be fairly compensated for the integral part you’re playing in this deal. Over and above the Grant Project. It’s important to me that you know how much your help means to me. I’m sorry, Charlie.”

  I pushed my hands through my hair, frustrated at how inept I’d become. Every word I vomited from my mouth sounded like bullshit. I tried again. “After meeting my mother, you have to understand that I was raised that caring is expressed through things and not emotions. I know I’m blowing it with you and it kills me. But this – this is what I know. What I’m good at.” I pulled her close to me again. Pleading with my body. Breathing in her scent while trying to chase the ghost of her anger. “Please say you understand. That you’ll stay.”

  Her breath came out on a little sigh and she softened under my embrace. “I seriously doubt if there is any bonus adequate enough to deal with your mother,” Charlie muttered, shuffling her feet in the fallen leaves. “I do feel for you after today, Nolan. My father may not have had much by way of material possessions and social status, but I never lacked for anything important. I had his love.”

  Her words struck me. Leaving a hole. A hole bigger than this park. With the emptiness of parental love that I’d never known. Would never know. No matter how many times I tried to take it.

  “Come on, Charlie,” I said. “Surely there’s something I can do make this easier for you?”

  “I’m not sure there’s anything short of a time machine that you could give me right now,” she pouted, those lush lips falling open. “Like th
e vocal stylings of Carrie Underwood, I want to uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it.”

  “Well, I don’t have any way to contact Dr. Emmett Brown or the Grand Ole Opry, but how about a cool million?” The words popped out of my mouth before I could stop them. Like a bad cocaine habit.

  Charlie surprised me with her high-pitched laugh. “Are you serious?”

  I stood perfectly still, dropping my arms to my side. Of course I was serious. I wanted – needed – this deal to go through. Charlie was my ace in the hole.

  “Wait a minute,” she said after studying my face, “you are serious!”

  “Yes, Charlie de Monaco,” I whispered. “Very much so.”

  I could see the wheels turning in her head. See how much a million dollars could mean to her. Not to mention the ability to help her dad. The low income housing building I planned to develop would be a great feather in her cap. Coming from a broken home with a single dad who raised her, struggling to live paycheck-to-paycheck. I know the life she led before coming to New York wasn’t an easy one.

  A million dollars would buy her a whole new life. It would pay off her remaining student loans from college and law school that I knew she still struggled with. It would afford her dad a chance to finally retire. Buy a house. Invest. This kind of money was a drop in the bucket to the Banks family. A million dollars meant nothing to me. Having Charlie commit to our business deal was priceless.

  Of course, the other benefits would be worth it to me as well. Having Charlie on my arm – a beautiful young lady with those gorgeous blue eyes – at the various functions I needed to attend. Having Charlie in my bed. Those long legs wrapped around me as I made love to her. Yes, it was well worth it. The question was – did she think so?

  “Well?” I held my breath as I uttered the syllable. “Will you help me?”

  My voice snapped her out of the dazed look. She shook her head, surprising me again for the third or fourth time today. “I don’t want your money,” she answered. “I have my pride. As long as you stick to your promise about the low income housing project, that’s enough payment for me.”

  Of course that’s what she’d say.

  “Of course, my word is as strong as an oak,” I agreed. “But it doesn’t mean that I can’t pay you a bonus or overtime for the hours you’ll be putting in.”

  “As long as what you are paying me, you would be paying someone else,” she said with a resigned tilt to her chin. “I won’t take a penny more. It doesn’t feel right to me.”

  I shook my head. Any other girl in this great city would take my money in a heartbeat and not think twice about it. Charlie didn’t want my money. I wish she wanted me.

  “I also think we should lay down some ground rules about this engagement thing,” she said.

  Shit. Of course there would be rules. She was an attorney. There would always be rules with Charlie. Hopefully, she wouldn’t draw up some kind of binding contract and force me to sign it. I don’t think I could deny her anything, and I didn’t want to sign some fucking farcical document. I held my breath again. “Care to elaborate what these rules will be?”

  “Our engagement is only for one month,” she said in a rush. Like she’d been planning this little speech all day. “I’ll let your mother do her thing. She can handle the engagement party and all the wedding details. I’ll stay out of her way as long as she stays out of mine. As soon as this real estate deal is done – signed on the dotted line – and the housing project is in full swing, we’ll stage an amicable break-up. We’ll remain friends. And I get to keep my job at the real estate company at my current salary. No one – and I mean no one – will know about this.”

  “You mean, no one except my mother.” I could have slapped myself for letting that come out.

  She blushed. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s like she injected me with truth serum.”

  I kissed her forehead. “It’s okay. If you hadn’t, I would have probably caved and spilled it myself.”

  She pulled away again before looking up at me. “Let’s get back to the rules, shall we?”

  I shook my head. “I think I can agree to those terms.” Only because she’d left sex off the table.

  Charlie laughed. “I wasn’t finished.”

  Shit. Shit. And shit.

  “No lovemaking. Behind closed doors, we keep this strictly platonic.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “What? But why?”

  Not touch Charlie? Smell her hair and stroke her silky soft skin? Not acceptable.

  “I don’t want to make this any harder for me.” The whispered admission cost her. I knew it. Lack of intimacy wasn’t what she really wanted. But conservative Charlie was being led by her head and not her heart. “I don’t want either of us to get attached. It just makes for a messy breakup in the end. I want it clean and simple.”

  “Charlie,” I soothed as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “It’s going to be really hard not to break that rule.” I kissed her on the forehead, my lips lingering on her temple. “You are so beautiful. And I know that you want me as much as I want you.”

  She leaned back from me, already relying on the barrier of space. “Either you agree to the terms or we can call your mother now and call off the engagement.”

  “Okay,” I said to Charlie. But rules were made to be broken. If you called my New England boarding school and asked Dean Ryker, he’d tell you I’d broken every rule ever written at least three times. “I’m fine with that rule. You’re the one who’ll have a hard time with it.”

  Complete and utter bullshit.

  “Thank you.” Charlie visibly deflated as she took my hand in the ceremonial shake like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders the second I’d agree to keep my distance. Too bad she hadn’t noticed my fingers were crossed behind my back. She took my hand and we started walking along the pathway again. Hand in hand. Just like every other couple that passed by us. It would be hard for both of us to pretend that this wasn’t real for any length of time.

  “I’ll give you whatever you want,” I said, looking straight ahead as we continued to walk, leaves crunching beneath our feet. A horse and buggy passed by us with a happy couple perched on the red velvet seat. As the clop of the horse’s hooves fell in perfect time with the beat of my heart, I leaned over and kissed Charlie on the temple. It was a romantic fall day in the city but the girl on my arm thought she didn’t belong to me.

  But she did. She’d already wormed her way into my heart and she’d never leave it.

  This may have started as a sham, but that was only a way for me to legitimize my feelings for Charlie. The ones that had been brewing for years. From afar. The way she handled my mother this morning sealed the deal for me. All I could think about was her soft lips on mine. Drink her sweetness. I wished I could just tell her how I felt about her. What I knew. The words tasted salty upon my lips and I wanted to let them fall out or lick them away, but I did neither.

  I was a damn coward. Because for right now, even the tiniest bit of Charlie was better than none. I couldn’t handle the devastation if she rejected me. Just these short weeks of spending time with her had filled that gaping hole in my soul just the tiniest bit and I didn’t want to go back. Back to feeling empty. Being empty.

  Mick Jagger’s been singing about it since 1969 and that skinny Brit is right. You can’t always get what you want. Even if you’re Nolan-God-Damn-Banks.

  Chapter Five

  Chase waved at me from the table he’d scored on the outside terrace. I glanced around one of my favorite lunch spots, the Mary Mac Deli. Diners bustled everywhere and Chase had been lucky to snag a spot. Hell, who was I fooling? Chase and I never had to wait for a table because our presence was a boon to any happening New York eatery. When Chase suggested some beer and grub, I’d been quick to agree. I still had my tail between my legs.

  The whispers at work today had made it sound like Banks Realty had turned into a hissing steam room. Sidelong glances had always been my thing because of my escapades
over the years, but Charlie didn’t deserve them. It didn’t bother me personally, but it bothered me because of that look that Charlie would get on her face. The one that said her feelings had been hurt even though she’d never let on.

  I’d taken up a permanent residence in the gossip rags. The latest bullshit said that I’d knocked up some girl from Vegas. The one threatening the paternity suit. Luckily, Charlie had gotten me out of that one. That girl was a big, fat liar and manipulative gold digger. She was married. I’d known it and even I wouldn’t stoop low enough to fuck someone else’s wife.

  I had my share of well-wishers this morning. My secretary, the guy from accounting, my father, who’d called me from China where he’d been wheeling and dealing. But before he’d given me his blessing, he’d asked the million dollar question. “So, tell me the truth, son. Is Ms. Charlene de Monaco pregnant with your child?”

  Shit.

  Seeing Chase for lunch was the bright spot in my hectic day.

  “Hey, brother!” he called when he saw me walk up. “You look like a hooker hopped up on speed and blow jobs.”

  The woman seated at the next table overheard him and scrunched up her lips so tightly she looked like a constipated sphincter. A rectal face.

  I rolled my eyes at her and collapsed into the seat next to Chase. “Too much coffee and office gossip this morning. And not at my expense.”

  “Here,” Chase said as he pushed over a frosty mug. I took a swig and relaxed as the cold brew slid down the back of my throat. Heaven. Exactly what I needed to turn this day from shit. “I ordered you some of those cheese sticks you like so much.”

  I took a bite of gooey artery blocking goodness. There was something to be said for fried cheese dipped in red sauce. “You wouldn’t believe the fucking morning I’ve had.”

  I told him about all the stares and whispering. The censure that Charlie didn’t need or deserve.

  “Dude, you’ve never let this stuff bother you before. Why now?” Chase asked, gesturing with a cheese stick. It flopped over like a limp dick. The one I wished I possessed. Because mine had been nothing but rock hard and aching since my first sight of Charlie in the flesh. “You should be used to everyone watching your every move. You’ve been on every magazine and newspaper across the country.”